Post by sara22 on Feb 28, 2005 21:44:46 GMT -5
Avoiding the Typical Mistakes Men Make at Clubs
By Derek Vitalio
Derek, my question is how do you avoid the lone psycho look??? Recently, I went out to a club with my sister as an experiment, to see what it is that I may be doing wrong... she amazingly pointed out all the single men that where there alone, and on the hunt. The typical good old guys that hang out next to the dance floor and just watch the women, she called "hawkers row". Something to avoid, but she also stated that the men that where there alone without any other friends there, she called the lone psychos.
Is there a way for a guy to go to the bars or clubs by himself without falling into this category???
Pete
For most guys, meeting girls at clubs is difficult for them.
So they prefer to meet girls at bookstores, malls, coffee shops, and other daytime “low pressure” venues.
But meeting girls at clubs can actually be far EASIER than at daytime venues.
I know that can sound counterintuitive. After all, at a club you have to deal with loud music that can be difficult to talk over, distracting lights, competition from other guys, and girls with their “shields” up.
Worse still, if you go alone you don’t know anyone else while it looks like everyone else is having fun.
Even if you go with your friends they’re typically no help either because all they do is stand immobilized by hesitation with a beer at their chest – and know next to nothing about picking up girls.
Has the following ever happened to you?
You walk into the club, checking out how “good” it is.
You walk around the entire club to check it out. You don’t know anyone, and you don’t have anything to do, so you walk around again checking out all the girls.
You get bored. Perhaps you get a drink. You walk over to the dance floor and stare at it.
Of course, 50 other guys are also staring at the dance floor.
Like a master bed in the center of a master bedroom, the dance floor commands attention. It is very hypnotic.
You nurse your beer and eventually decide to walk around the club again.
Nothing happens so you decide that the club “sucks” and then you eventually leave to find a better place.
Of course, you do the very same thing at the very next place you visit.
I used to do this ALL the time. It sucked because it never got me anywhere.
The problem is, this kind of behavior is the exact OPPOSITE of what you want to do, because by wandering around you convey certain negative information to girls that shoots down your chances before you even make an approach.
When you circle around a club, women NOTICE that you’re alone. Most won’t label you a “lone psycho” but they’ve make a mental note that you’re alone – and therefore lack any social value.
Women give you social value by how hot the women and men you’re with are.
But most guys walk around the entire club multiple times alone, collecting NEGATIVE social value the entire time.
Think about it. When you FIRST walk into the club, the girls know NOTHING about you. You could be Justin Timberlake’s best friend for all they know.
This is your chance to shape their blank impression of you.
But what do most guys do?
They instantly go about setting a NEGATIVE impression of themselves – by walking around the room and staring at the dance floor. This is what ALL the guys who have no social value do.
So then, if and when you do approach a hot girl, she lacks interest in you because she’s already categorized you – thanks to YOUR actions.
Thus, most guys give up on clubs because they’re “too hard”.
But it’s not that clubs are “too hard”. It’s that you’re doing them all wrong.
Making clubs work for you is easy. In fact, meeting hot girls at clubs is EASIER than at other places. And you can make them work just as well as if you go with friends or if you go alone. You just have to know what to do.
Here are the steps I use with great success.
When you first walk into the club, SMILE. A lot of women watch the door to size up the guys coming in. Remember, as you walk in you’re social status is a BLANK SLATE and you want to be immediately shaping a good first impression.
As soon as you’re in, OPEN the first available set of girls or set of girls and guys. Don’t look for a lone girl, you won’t find her. You’ll want to open a set of two of girls or a guy and a girl which are much easier to find.
There. It immediately looks like you have friends. It doesn’t matter if the set goes particularly well – other women will notice that you’re with other girls.
Other girls will immediately peg you with social value – because they have no idea that you’ve only just met these girls.
Remember, GIRLS JUDGE YOUR SOCIAL VALUE BY THE OTHER GIRLS YOU’RE WITH.
So as long as they see you talking with other girls, they will mentally note this and be more open to talking with you themselves. This is not a conscious process, just something that girls do automatically without thinking about it.
So you open your first group of girls RIGHT AWAY. The conversation doesn’t have to go well, all you’re doing is collecting social proof. If the first group begins to stall, just turn to the set of girls next to you and open them. They’ll be much more likely to talk with you because they've already seen you talking to other girls.
You can even join the groups by saying, “Hey ladies, my friends here were just talking about such-and-such… what’s your opinion on that?”
ALWAYS be talking to a group of girls. Jump from group to group. By the time you’ve worked yourself through 45 minutes of talking to girls, ALL the girls in the immediate vicinity will know that you have social value. They will read you as being social, attractive, and hot.
If you build up enough social value this way, you can just walk up to the hottest girl in the club and say, “Give me your number,” and she will give it to you.
Here are three guidelines you’ll want to follow:
First, avoid looking at the dance floor like the plague. The dance floor is naturally hypnotic and will naturally draw you in. DO NOT LOOK AT IT. There is nothing there. It is an illusion. Looking at the dance floor only generates NEGATIVE social proof for you.
Second, avoid walking around. You only look a like a valueless loner when you do this. Also, if you’ve built up any positive social proof in one corner of the club, you’ll lose it all if you move to another corner.
Third, avoid the noisiest areas of the club. Find the quietest area where it’s easiest to talk and plant yourself there. You don’t want to be yelling over ear-breaking noise and most clubs do have a quiet corner or two.
Also, it’s quite alright to go to clubs alone. Why? BECAUSE YOU WON’T BE ALONE FOR LONG. Within 5 to 10 minutes of being in the club you should be talking to someone.
Look at the whole club scene as one of collecting social proof points. In this particular moment, are you talking to a set of girls and collecting points? Or are you staring at the dance floor alone, losing points?
Remember, you walk into the club with zero social proof points, with a clean slate. Everything you do will either up your status or lower it. Everything you do signals women to categorize you as a “loner” or as a “sexy guy”.
“How am I improving my social proof?” should be the question always on your mind at the club. If you keep that in mind, you’ll go far.
Now the question is, HOW do you start talking to girls in a club situation? What are good opening lines?
After all, I can tell you that you need to approach women right away, but that does you little good unless you know what to say to them.
For this, you’ll definitely want to check out Situational Opener Technology. It has dozens of examples of what to say to a woman or a group of women you approach. And they work – with practice, you’ll never get shot down or be turned away.
Regards,
Derek Vitalio
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By Derek Vitalio
Derek, my question is how do you avoid the lone psycho look??? Recently, I went out to a club with my sister as an experiment, to see what it is that I may be doing wrong... she amazingly pointed out all the single men that where there alone, and on the hunt. The typical good old guys that hang out next to the dance floor and just watch the women, she called "hawkers row". Something to avoid, but she also stated that the men that where there alone without any other friends there, she called the lone psychos.
Is there a way for a guy to go to the bars or clubs by himself without falling into this category???
Pete
For most guys, meeting girls at clubs is difficult for them.
So they prefer to meet girls at bookstores, malls, coffee shops, and other daytime “low pressure” venues.
But meeting girls at clubs can actually be far EASIER than at daytime venues.
I know that can sound counterintuitive. After all, at a club you have to deal with loud music that can be difficult to talk over, distracting lights, competition from other guys, and girls with their “shields” up.
Worse still, if you go alone you don’t know anyone else while it looks like everyone else is having fun.
Even if you go with your friends they’re typically no help either because all they do is stand immobilized by hesitation with a beer at their chest – and know next to nothing about picking up girls.
Has the following ever happened to you?
You walk into the club, checking out how “good” it is.
You walk around the entire club to check it out. You don’t know anyone, and you don’t have anything to do, so you walk around again checking out all the girls.
You get bored. Perhaps you get a drink. You walk over to the dance floor and stare at it.
Of course, 50 other guys are also staring at the dance floor.
Like a master bed in the center of a master bedroom, the dance floor commands attention. It is very hypnotic.
You nurse your beer and eventually decide to walk around the club again.
Nothing happens so you decide that the club “sucks” and then you eventually leave to find a better place.
Of course, you do the very same thing at the very next place you visit.
I used to do this ALL the time. It sucked because it never got me anywhere.
The problem is, this kind of behavior is the exact OPPOSITE of what you want to do, because by wandering around you convey certain negative information to girls that shoots down your chances before you even make an approach.
When you circle around a club, women NOTICE that you’re alone. Most won’t label you a “lone psycho” but they’ve make a mental note that you’re alone – and therefore lack any social value.
Women give you social value by how hot the women and men you’re with are.
But most guys walk around the entire club multiple times alone, collecting NEGATIVE social value the entire time.
Think about it. When you FIRST walk into the club, the girls know NOTHING about you. You could be Justin Timberlake’s best friend for all they know.
This is your chance to shape their blank impression of you.
But what do most guys do?
They instantly go about setting a NEGATIVE impression of themselves – by walking around the room and staring at the dance floor. This is what ALL the guys who have no social value do.
So then, if and when you do approach a hot girl, she lacks interest in you because she’s already categorized you – thanks to YOUR actions.
Thus, most guys give up on clubs because they’re “too hard”.
But it’s not that clubs are “too hard”. It’s that you’re doing them all wrong.
Making clubs work for you is easy. In fact, meeting hot girls at clubs is EASIER than at other places. And you can make them work just as well as if you go with friends or if you go alone. You just have to know what to do.
Here are the steps I use with great success.
When you first walk into the club, SMILE. A lot of women watch the door to size up the guys coming in. Remember, as you walk in you’re social status is a BLANK SLATE and you want to be immediately shaping a good first impression.
As soon as you’re in, OPEN the first available set of girls or set of girls and guys. Don’t look for a lone girl, you won’t find her. You’ll want to open a set of two of girls or a guy and a girl which are much easier to find.
There. It immediately looks like you have friends. It doesn’t matter if the set goes particularly well – other women will notice that you’re with other girls.
Other girls will immediately peg you with social value – because they have no idea that you’ve only just met these girls.
Remember, GIRLS JUDGE YOUR SOCIAL VALUE BY THE OTHER GIRLS YOU’RE WITH.
So as long as they see you talking with other girls, they will mentally note this and be more open to talking with you themselves. This is not a conscious process, just something that girls do automatically without thinking about it.
So you open your first group of girls RIGHT AWAY. The conversation doesn’t have to go well, all you’re doing is collecting social proof. If the first group begins to stall, just turn to the set of girls next to you and open them. They’ll be much more likely to talk with you because they've already seen you talking to other girls.
You can even join the groups by saying, “Hey ladies, my friends here were just talking about such-and-such… what’s your opinion on that?”
ALWAYS be talking to a group of girls. Jump from group to group. By the time you’ve worked yourself through 45 minutes of talking to girls, ALL the girls in the immediate vicinity will know that you have social value. They will read you as being social, attractive, and hot.
If you build up enough social value this way, you can just walk up to the hottest girl in the club and say, “Give me your number,” and she will give it to you.
Here are three guidelines you’ll want to follow:
First, avoid looking at the dance floor like the plague. The dance floor is naturally hypnotic and will naturally draw you in. DO NOT LOOK AT IT. There is nothing there. It is an illusion. Looking at the dance floor only generates NEGATIVE social proof for you.
Second, avoid walking around. You only look a like a valueless loner when you do this. Also, if you’ve built up any positive social proof in one corner of the club, you’ll lose it all if you move to another corner.
Third, avoid the noisiest areas of the club. Find the quietest area where it’s easiest to talk and plant yourself there. You don’t want to be yelling over ear-breaking noise and most clubs do have a quiet corner or two.
Also, it’s quite alright to go to clubs alone. Why? BECAUSE YOU WON’T BE ALONE FOR LONG. Within 5 to 10 minutes of being in the club you should be talking to someone.
Look at the whole club scene as one of collecting social proof points. In this particular moment, are you talking to a set of girls and collecting points? Or are you staring at the dance floor alone, losing points?
Remember, you walk into the club with zero social proof points, with a clean slate. Everything you do will either up your status or lower it. Everything you do signals women to categorize you as a “loner” or as a “sexy guy”.
“How am I improving my social proof?” should be the question always on your mind at the club. If you keep that in mind, you’ll go far.
Now the question is, HOW do you start talking to girls in a club situation? What are good opening lines?
After all, I can tell you that you need to approach women right away, but that does you little good unless you know what to say to them.
For this, you’ll definitely want to check out Situational Opener Technology. It has dozens of examples of what to say to a woman or a group of women you approach. And they work – with practice, you’ll never get shot down or be turned away.
Regards,
Derek Vitalio
To sign up for my free three-times-a-week newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook and instant access to the rest of our forums, just go here:
REGISTER for More Access & Free Newsletter
